Weight Until You've Done It

I am going to try, for the millionth time, to lose this extra poundage I've been carrying around with me for the past ten years. I've tried so many different weight loss methods I have begun to despair that I will ever make my goal weight of 160 lbs. I have 85 pounds to lose, and that is no mean feat.

The most success I have ever had with weight loss was with low carbing. I have slight insulin resistance and between that and the celiac's disease carbs have become my mortal enemy. They are like a drug to me. I feel like I am a carbaholic. One is too many and two will never be enough. The ADHD doesn't help with my carb addiction either. Any time I forget to take my medication I am almost helpless against the carbs. My I crave them because my brain thinks that more carbs will mean more focus, which is funny because when I binge on carbs I sometimes have a blood sugar crash, which can put me out of commission for days.

I've done some pretty extreme things in order to lose weight, none of which have worked long term. Low carbing has so far given me the most long term and sustainable results, I lost 35 lbs, going from 263 to 228 in a few months, and I was able to maintain that weight loss for almost two years before I lost sight of my health goals for a while. Even so, I'm still not as heavy as I was at my top weight, 263. Right now I'm 245, which while still too heavy is at least not 263.

This time around, I want to try a different approach. I would like this approach to be completely positive and a lifestyle change instead of just a diet. I know that everyone says that is how it should be, but that is hardly how anyone really sees it when beginning a weight loss attempt.

I tried the hCG diet, which, while effective, really wasn't sustainable weight loss. I lost 20 lbs in a month, but gained it back almost immediately after I stopped the diet "round." Extremes don't seem to be for me.

I've tried going to gyms, I can't ever seem to get myself to go. There is something in my brain that just rebels at doing anything I "should" do. This particular vice of mine has caused a lot of problems in my life. Much of it can be attributed to the ADHD that went unknown for so long and the anxiety caused by any of my other mental health issues, but that doesn't change the fact that this particular problem has lost me jobs, caused me to perform poorly in school. When I am on point I can carry a 3.5 GPA every quarter. When I'm not on point (or, more specifically, not taking my medications) I have trouble getting myself out of bed to go to class, but I digress.

Paying for a gym membership doesn't make sense for me because I start out strong, going several times per week for the first month or so, and then I make one excuse not to go for one day, and I never go again. I seem to be an all or nothing type of person. If I am not going to give something my all, I tend not to give it anything at all.

I do love to walk. When I was a kid I walked everywhere, probably in excess of 10 miles a day. Walked, biked, took the bus. I didn't get my drivers' license until six months after I turned 18, and then it was only because I moved out into the sticks where I had to have a car to get anywhere at all. When I finally got my license, I went from walking 10+ miles per day to just about sedentary. That will screw up a metabolism and no mistake. I gained a lot of weight in a very short period of time. I wasn't paying much attention to my weight due to a lot of factors, but by the time I noticed I was gaining I had already gained more than 50 lbs.

Back to my positive weight loss program. I'm going to try low carbing again, since it seems to be the only method that has ever produced lasting results for me. I'm not worried about any fat content besides trans fat, in fact when I eat a higher saturated fat diet my ADHD symptoms tend to improve and my insulin resistance isn't so much of a problem. I've been using the SparkPeople app, and so far it is really helping me. I have tried several weight loss apps, but I keep going back to SparkPeople. It has a great social aspect and it gives you the option of putting the calories burned during a workout back into the daily calorie budget. I bought a wearable pedometer as well, and I try to make sure that I get at least the recommended 10k steps per day. Normally I try to make it to between 15k and 20k steps. The only issue I'm having so far is converting the steps I take during the day into exercise time on the app, since the app doesn't have a pedometer. It makes my brain work a little, which is a good thing.

Along with the low carbing, I have decided to start giving myself rewards for hitting my weight loss goals. A reward for every 15 lbs lost. Here is my reward goal list so far:

235 lbs - Order a new hard cover Terry Pratchett Discworld novel. I've started collecting the hardcover books because I already have all of the discworld novels in e-book format. I found a store in the UK that sells a series of them with a very nicely illustrated covers, and they don't have dust jackets to lose.

220 lbs - Get my hair cut and colored by my favorite hair stylist.

205 lbs - Buy new bras from Victoria Secret. I know, I know. Brand names expensive blah blah blah, but they are still the most comfortable bras I have ever worn. Totally worth a bit of extra money.

199 lbs - This one is between 15 lbs goals, but I thought that getting below 200 lbs for the first time in 10 years should definitely merit a reward. For getting below 200 lbs I am going to get myself a tattoo. I have a very good friend who does amazing artwork (actually I have several friends who do amazing artwork) that I think will help me with a tattoo design.  This is also the benchmark where I am going to start running.

I have done running before, and I absolutely loved it, but running while still so heavy is bad enough on my knees that I have to stop running after a few weeks. Once I'm below 200 I will try to run again.

190 lbs - I'm going to buy myself a new dress, probably a rockabilly dress I can wear around town.

175 - Get my wedding right resized. Hopefully by then my fingers will have shrunk a bit.

160 - This is my goal weight. When I reach it I will probably celebrate in several ways, but my official "15 lbs" reward will be talking my friend Cate (proprietor of Cate Reed Photography) into doing a photo shoot with me. 

These rewards might change as I think of new things I'd like to do, but maybe I will jut change it from a 15 lb goal to a 10 lb goal to add them in.
I feel like I have something to look forward to now, instead of just getting on the scale and hoping the numbers have gone down. I am hopping that blogging about my weight los journey will be a good motivational tool to stay on track. I hope to use these reward as my light at the end of the tunnel.